WHY I'M THE BEST CAT IN THE HOWSE!!!!!

FOR THOZE OF YOO HOO ARE TRYING TO BEEKUM THE BEST CAT IN THE HOWSE LEMME GIVE YOO A TIP ALWAYS GIVE YER LADEY THE BEST BERTHDAY GIFT YOO CAN AFFORD OR MANIDGE TO KETCH LIKE ME TODAY WUZ MY LADEY'S BERTHDAY SO I GOT UP ERLY AND DINT SLEEP IN AND GOT HER A PREZINT AND PUT A BOW ON IT A RED BOW THAT'S MY FAVERITE COLOR AND WIN SHE SAW IT SHE WUZ SO IXSITED SHE SKREEMED AND SED TRIPPER IN HER OWTSIDE VOICE AND WHUT DID MAO GIT HER??? BUPPKISS. WHUT DID THE WITE RAT GIT HER??? NADA! WHUT DID MY PAL THE GEEZER ROCKY GIT HER? ZILCH! HE SLEEPED RITE THRU HER BERTHDAY! WICH IS WHY I AM THE BEST CAT IN THE HOWSE!!!!!

NOMS!!!!!!

GESS WHUT PEEPLES????? MY LADEY WINT TO HAVE BREKFIST WITH DKM AND I SAW THIS PIKCHER THAT WAS TAKEN THERE AND I THINK AFTER MY LADEY HAD BREKFIST SHE ORDERD THIS LUNCH FOR ME (TO GO OF KORSE CUZ I'M NOT BIG ON DRIVING A CAR UNLESS I GET TO DO THE DRIVING WICH I WOOD DO MOST ENTHOOOZIASTLY EXSEPT WELL I DON'T HAVE A LIE SCENSE (WICH WOOD BE EEZY FOR ME TO GIT CUZ I LIE A LOT AND I'M GOOD AT IT) AND THE BIG EARED FURRIES ARE VARY DELISHUS EXCEPT FOR THE EERS WICH ARE A LITTLE CHEWY AND WIN YOU PULL OWT THARE GUTZ THE GUTZ CAN STRETCH OWT FOR ABOUT 3 MILES ISNT THIS FURRY YUM YUM YUMMY LOOKING? I THINK MY LADEY IS BRINGING ME MY LUNCH CUZ SHE'S SO GRATEFUL FOR THE LIZZERD I GOT FOR HER WIN SHE WAS IN DA HOSPITUL SHE SKREEMED WITH DEELITE WIN SHE SAW IT.

TODAY'S CATCH

THIS MORNING I WAKED UP ERLY TO GO HUNTING FOR MORE PREZINTS FUR MY LADEY CUZ I LIKE IT WIN I MAKE HER HAPPY AND WIN SHE SKREEMS MY NAME REEL LOWD AND THIS TIME I TOOK OFF ALL THE FURRY AND FACE PARTS AND THEN WILE I WUZ AT IT I TOOK OFF THE LEGS 2 CUZ THEY ARE THE NOMMIEST SO I EETED THEM AND I LEFT THE REST AT THE FRUNT DOOR WARE SHE COOD SEE THEM WIN SHE GOZE TO GIT THE MALE AND BOY, I THINK SHE LUVED THIS PREZINT MOST OF ALL CUZ YOO COOD HEER HER SKREEM MY NAME FRUM ABOWT 5 MILES AWAY!!!!! LIFE'S A TRIP!!!!

I AM A POT ROSTE

THE TRIPPER DOWN MAN PUT THIS ON ME CUZ I LUVS MY POT ROSTE DO YOO LIKE POT ROSTE????? WHY DUZN'T FANSY FEEST MAKE A POT ROSTE FLAYVER????? INQWIRING MINDS WUNT TO KNOW!!!! IT WOOD BE A BIG SELLER IN THE FRISKIES THINNER CUTS MORE GRAVEY LINE CUZ THE ONLY THING I LUVS MORE THAN POT ROSTE IS MY LADEY AND GRAVEY!!!!!!!!!!

LIFE'S A TRIP!!!!

FINELY!!!

AZ YOO KNOW I HAVE HAD A REELY HARD TIME GITTING MY LADEY TO TAKE MY PREZINTS A CUPPUL OF DAZE AGO I BROT HER A FURRY THING AND I KNOW FRUM THE FOOD NETWERK THAT PREZENTAYSHUN IS EVRYTHING SO I PULLED OWT ALL ITS INNERDS AND SPRED THEM AKROST THE DEK SO THEY LOOKED LIKE STREEMERS THE INNERDS STRETCHT OWT REEEEEELY FAR AND THEY WERE BRITE RED VARY FESTIVE BUT I THINK THE COONS ATE THE FURRY THING CUZ IT WUZ GON THE NEXT MORNING SO YESTERDAY WILE MY LADEY AND THE TRIPPER DOWN MAN WERE AT CHERCH I CAWT A SLITHERY SNAKEY THING AND I PUT IT BY THE BAK DOOR

AND THEN I REARRANGED IT SO IT MADE A NICE SERKUL PATTERN

AND MAYBE I EATED JUST A LITTLE BIT OF THE HED CUZ HE WAS REEEEELY REEEEEEELY YUM YUM GOOD NOMS AND MY LADEY SAW IT AND SHE SED MY NAME REELY LOWD CUZ SHE LOVED MY PREZINT SO MUCH I AM GOOD AT GIVING GOOD PREZINTS I AM SO HAPPY I WAS PERSISTUNT AND KEEPED GIVING HER GOOD PREZINTS UNTIL SHE FOWND ONE I KNOW SHE LOVES ME EVEN MORE NOW BECUZ THE OTHER CATS ESPESHULLY THAT STOOPID STINKY GARAGE CAT NEVER GIVE HER ANY PREZINTS LIFES A TRIP!!!!!