YO, SANTA!!!!!

DEER SANTA WHY DID YOO FURGIT TO STOP AND MY HOWSE AND GIVE ME LOTS OF PREZINTS THIS YEER I WAS A GOOD BOY I WAS THE BEST CAT IN THE HOWSE MY LADEY TOLD ME SO SHE TELLS ME THAT EVRY DAY AND ABOWT THOZE BERDS GOING DED THAT WUZN'T MY FAWLT IT'S THE FAWLT OF THE BELLS CUZ WINEVER THE BERDIES HEER MY BELLS THEY GO DED OF A HART ATTAK REELY THAT'S THE TROOTH I JUST EET EM AND WIN I PUT THE BITEY ON PEEPULS I DON'T BRAKE THE SKIN AND I HARDLY EVER BUNNYKIK THE PUNY CATS I LIVE WITH UNLESS THEY LOOK LIKE THEY'D LIKE TO BE BUNNYKIKT AND EVEN WIN I GIT MY GOOGLY KRAZY EYES FRUM KATNIP I'M STILL A PRITTY GOOD BOY AND EVRY NITE I GO TO SLEEP IN MY BED ON THE PEEPUL BED AND I NEVER MOOVE OR JUMP ON THE MANS HANGY DOWNIE THING AND DID I MENSHUN THAT MY LADEY ALWAYZ SEZ I'M THE BEST CAT IN THE HOWSE???? SO I'VE WAYTED LONG ENUF FOR YOO TO GIVE ME MY PREZINTS SHOW UP ALREDDY, WILLYA? PLEEZE AND THANK YOO YOO CAN ALSO USE MY GERLFREND PARKER AS A REFRINSE SHE'LL TELL YOO ALL ABOWT ME LIFE'S A TRIP.

Santa Suks

Santa is a meen fat ole man he didn't git my hardly anything on my list and I tride REEEEEL hard for three or fore days beefore Krissmiss to be good for all the good it did me so I did not git a fire truk a drum set a grate tunnul box an AK-47 a Humvee a WEEEEE a tie-die mussul teeshert in many colors or werld peese (sorry MIMI) but I did git a 2-day supply of catnip and sum fether toys and a new skratcher (WICH DUZ NOT MAKE ANY NOIZE OR COME IN BRITE COLORS) and I got to sneek upstares and play KETCH THE WITE RAT with the wite rat hoo can sqweeze into many small openings and skreems like a gerl win I get close to him that Rocky cat sez its not werth it to not have fun all yeer just to keep Santa happy and I think maybey he's rite.

DEER SANTA,

Heer is my Kristmuss list. Pleeze git me all this stuff:

1. Fire truk with lites and siruns
2. Drum set
3. 1000 cases of catnip
4. Ranebow colored fethery playtoy
5. A grate tunnul box to play in like that littul upstares rat has
6. A toy AK-47 (a reely lowd one, not the kind yoo can barely heer)
7. A toy battery-powerd Humvee that I can ride arownd the nayberhood in, just like da grate Mr Tinydik
8. The Nintendo Weeeeeeeee so I can play DDR with the wite rat. I think I wood be a vary good danser and I love to go WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Make shur the one yoo git me has lots and lots of brite blinking lites in many colors.
   
9. A tie-die mussul teeshert in many brillyunt colors.
10. Werld peese.
    

And pleeze give my best frend Monty Q Cat and my gerlfrend Parker sum good stuff becuz they deeserve it and Miss Daisy 2 cuz she's teechin me manners. Pleeze and thank yoo. And DMM, too, cuz she is gonna join my harum and she gots me a grate krissmuss prezint!!!!!

I also wunted to ixplane sum things:

Ferst of all, it wuzn't my fawlt the stoopid kristmuss tree got knokked over on the floor and the ornamints got broken. I BARELY EVEN BRUSHED AGINST IT. It was kinda crookid anyway, and was on the verje of falling over yoo cood tell. I was just in the rong place at the rong time. Storey of my life.

Secund of all, the thing with the berd yesturday WAS NOT MY FAWLT. He was buzzing like a musskeeto in my eer and I wint to brush him away, and the minit I tucht him he got ded. And my ladey likes it win I make berds go ded cuz evry time I do she gits me a new shiney bell for my collar. And I like to make my ladey happy cuz she let me live with her and the man hoo is always sayin TRIP DOWN!.

Therd of all, I'm not reeeeely trying to eet Skeezix win I play with him. He sqweels like a gerl (yes, Miss Daisy, this is troo) even win I just give him my best psyko look and don't even tuch him. I wunt a frend to play with and all the other cats hate me becuz I'm such a hansum spesimin of bigmancathood and thare jellus and Skeezix izn't jellus cuz he knows he will never in a millyun yeers be a bigmancat like me so he duzn't even try.

Oh, and the jumpin on the cownters thing. I only do it so I can be closer to my ladey and then give her a big hug arownd the nek like she's my gerlfrend and I need to be higher to do that and she likes it a lot when I give her my bigmancat loves even tho it makes the man hoo is always sayin TRIP DOWN jellus.

So as yoo can see, thare is an explayshun for evrything and that meens yoo need to git me evrything on my kristmiss list. Pleeze and thank yoo.

Sinseerly,
Yer frend,
Tripper

PEE ESS: Sinse yer so fat, yoo probly won't fit down owr chimney so yoo can just leeve my stuff on the frunt porch like the man in the brown shorts duz.