WHY I'M THE BEST CAT IN THE HOWSE!!!!!

FOR THOZE OF YOO HOO ARE TRYING TO BEEKUM THE BEST CAT IN THE HOWSE LEMME GIVE YOO A TIP ALWAYS GIVE YER LADEY THE BEST BERTHDAY GIFT YOO CAN AFFORD OR MANIDGE TO KETCH LIKE ME TODAY WUZ MY LADEY'S BERTHDAY SO I GOT UP ERLY AND DINT SLEEP IN AND GOT HER A PREZINT AND PUT A BOW ON IT A RED BOW THAT'S MY FAVERITE COLOR AND WIN SHE SAW IT SHE WUZ SO IXSITED SHE SKREEMED AND SED TRIPPER IN HER OWTSIDE VOICE AND WHUT DID MAO GIT HER??? BUPPKISS. WHUT DID THE WITE RAT GIT HER??? NADA! WHUT DID MY PAL THE GEEZER ROCKY GIT HER? ZILCH! HE SLEEPED RITE THRU HER BERTHDAY! WICH IS WHY I AM THE BEST CAT IN THE HOWSE!!!!!

DONA NOBIS PACEM

SOME PEEPULS CALL ME THE PEACE COWBOY SOME CALL ME THE GANGSTA OF LUUUUUUVE SOME PEEPULS CALL ME MORE-EEESE BUT ONLY IF THEY WANNA GIT BUNNYKICKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DONA NOBIS PACEM!!!!!!!!!

WHY AM I FAYMUSS AND ON THIS BOOK????

WHY IS MY PIKCHER ON THIS BOOK IS IT A BOOK ABOWT FAYMUSS BIGMANCATS???? OR HOW BIGMANCATS LOVE THARE LADEYS?? OR HOW TO GIT A BIG HARUM??? I CAN'T REED SO I NEED SUMBUDDY TO TELL ME. KTHXBAI LIFE'S A TRIP

IS IT TIME FOR TRIKS AND TREETS YET???????????

HAVE YOO EVER SEENED A MORE IMPRESSIV AND MANLY PUNKIN?????????????????? LOOK AT THOZE BIG PAWZ - YOO KNOW WHUT THAT MEENS!!! OK! NOW I GIT TO TEE PEE YER HOWSE!!!! I LOVE HALLOWEEEN!

NOMS!!!!!!

GESS WHUT PEEPLES????? MY LADEY WINT TO HAVE BREKFIST WITH DKM AND I SAW THIS PIKCHER THAT WAS TAKEN THERE AND I THINK AFTER MY LADEY HAD BREKFIST SHE ORDERD THIS LUNCH FOR ME (TO GO OF KORSE CUZ I'M NOT BIG ON DRIVING A CAR UNLESS I GET TO DO THE DRIVING WICH I WOOD DO MOST ENTHOOOZIASTLY EXSEPT WELL I DON'T HAVE A LIE SCENSE (WICH WOOD BE EEZY FOR ME TO GIT CUZ I LIE A LOT AND I'M GOOD AT IT) AND THE BIG EARED FURRIES ARE VARY DELISHUS EXCEPT FOR THE EERS WICH ARE A LITTLE CHEWY AND WIN YOU PULL OWT THARE GUTZ THE GUTZ CAN STRETCH OWT FOR ABOUT 3 MILES ISNT THIS FURRY YUM YUM YUMMY LOOKING? I THINK MY LADEY IS BRINGING ME MY LUNCH CUZ SHE'S SO GRATEFUL FOR THE LIZZERD I GOT FOR HER WIN SHE WAS IN DA HOSPITUL SHE SKREEMED WITH DEELITE WIN SHE SAW IT.

BAD NOOZ

INNERNETS, I HAVE SUM VARY BAD NOOZ MY LADEY WILL NOT LET ME PUT UP PIKCHERS OF ALL THE PREZINTS I BRING TO HER ANYMORE AND SHE WONT EVEN GO OWT THE FRUNT DOOR TO LOOK AT MY PREZINTS IN THE MORNING UNTIL THE TRIPPER DOWN MAN HAS PUT THEM IN THE BIG GREEN GOODBYE KRAP BOX MY LADEY TRIDE TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER BY GIVING ME MORE BELLS AND THEY DON'T LET ME CHASE THE WITE RAT ANYMORE CUZ SUM OF MY PREZINTS WERE BIGGER THAN HIM (LIKE WHUT IZN'T????? HE'S A MIJJIT.)

MORE PREZINTS!!!!

EVRY DAY I'VE BIN BRINGING MY LADEY PREZINTS AND MOSTLY THE TRIPPER DOWN MAN MAKES THEM GO AWAY BUT TODAY MY LADEY GOT TO SEE THE FURRY THING I GOT HER AND MAYBE I NIBBLED JUST A LITTUL BIT ON THE TALE AND SHE MISSED THE GOOD PART WARE THE BLUDS CAME SPERTING OUT SHE WAS SO THRILLED THAT SHE AWARDED ME WITH 2 NEW BELLS ON MY COLLER LIFE'S A TRIP!

TABBY TUMMY TUESDAY

DON'T SNORGLE ME OR I'LL PUT THE BITEY ON YOO!!!!!! LIFE'S A TRIP!

STARTS WITH A T AND RIMES WITH P THAT STANDS FOR POOL

YEP I'M IN TRUBBLE LAST NITE THE TRIPPER DOWN MAN WINT TO PIK ME UP BUT I GOT SPOOKED AND SKRATCHT HIM NOT ENUF TO MAKE HIM GO DED BUT ENUF TO MAKE HIM SKREEM LIKE A GERL AND BLUDS SPILL OWT:

AND I FELT BAD AFTERWERD FOR A MINIT AND HE WOODN'T LET ME SLEEP IN MY BED NEXT TO MY LADEY WICH MADE ME FEEL EVEN WERSER SO I DEESIDED TO GIT HIM A PREZINT I GOT HIM A SNAKE WITH THE HED STILL ON AND THE HEDS THE YUMMIEST PART AND I NEW HE WOOD LOVE IT BUT HE PICKED IT UP AND PUT IT BAK IN THE DERT SO I HAD TO GO GIT HIM ANUTHER PREZINT AND THIS WAS ONE OF THE FURRIEZ AND I LEFT MOST OF THE HED ON SORTA AND IT TERNS OWT THE TRIPPER DOWN MAN IS KINDA HARD TO PLEEZE COOD YOO REZIST THIS MOWSIE??????

NOMS!!!!!

ANYBUDDY WUNT A SAMMICH????? LIFE'S A TRIP!

DUZ ANYBUDDY KNOW HOW I CAN MAKE MY FURS DO THIS???

IS THIS THE MOST BYOOTIFULLEST HAREDOO IN THE WERLD OR WHUT????? LIFE'S A TRIP!

TODAY'S CATCH

THIS MORNING I WAKED UP ERLY TO GO HUNTING FOR MORE PREZINTS FUR MY LADEY CUZ I LIKE IT WIN I MAKE HER HAPPY AND WIN SHE SKREEMS MY NAME REEL LOWD AND THIS TIME I TOOK OFF ALL THE FURRY AND FACE PARTS AND THEN WILE I WUZ AT IT I TOOK OFF THE LEGS 2 CUZ THEY ARE THE NOMMIEST SO I EETED THEM AND I LEFT THE REST AT THE FRUNT DOOR WARE SHE COOD SEE THEM WIN SHE GOZE TO GIT THE MALE AND BOY, I THINK SHE LUVED THIS PREZINT MOST OF ALL CUZ YOO COOD HEER HER SKREEM MY NAME FRUM ABOWT 5 MILES AWAY!!!!! LIFE'S A TRIP!!!!

I AM A POT ROSTE

THE TRIPPER DOWN MAN PUT THIS ON ME CUZ I LUVS MY POT ROSTE DO YOO LIKE POT ROSTE????? WHY DUZN'T FANSY FEEST MAKE A POT ROSTE FLAYVER????? INQWIRING MINDS WUNT TO KNOW!!!! IT WOOD BE A BIG SELLER IN THE FRISKIES THINNER CUTS MORE GRAVEY LINE CUZ THE ONLY THING I LUVS MORE THAN POT ROSTE IS MY LADEY AND GRAVEY!!!!!!!!!!

LIFE'S A TRIP!!!!

FINELY!!!

AZ YOO KNOW I HAVE HAD A REELY HARD TIME GITTING MY LADEY TO TAKE MY PREZINTS A CUPPUL OF DAZE AGO I BROT HER A FURRY THING AND I KNOW FRUM THE FOOD NETWERK THAT PREZENTAYSHUN IS EVRYTHING SO I PULLED OWT ALL ITS INNERDS AND SPRED THEM AKROST THE DEK SO THEY LOOKED LIKE STREEMERS THE INNERDS STRETCHT OWT REEEEEELY FAR AND THEY WERE BRITE RED VARY FESTIVE BUT I THINK THE COONS ATE THE FURRY THING CUZ IT WUZ GON THE NEXT MORNING SO YESTERDAY WILE MY LADEY AND THE TRIPPER DOWN MAN WERE AT CHERCH I CAWT A SLITHERY SNAKEY THING AND I PUT IT BY THE BAK DOOR

AND THEN I REARRANGED IT SO IT MADE A NICE SERKUL PATTERN

AND MAYBE I EATED JUST A LITTLE BIT OF THE HED CUZ HE WAS REEEEELY REEEEEEELY YUM YUM GOOD NOMS AND MY LADEY SAW IT AND SHE SED MY NAME REELY LOWD CUZ SHE LOVED MY PREZINT SO MUCH I AM GOOD AT GIVING GOOD PREZINTS I AM SO HAPPY I WAS PERSISTUNT AND KEEPED GIVING HER GOOD PREZINTS UNTIL SHE FOWND ONE I KNOW SHE LOVES ME EVEN MORE NOW BECUZ THE OTHER CATS ESPESHULLY THAT STOOPID STINKY GARAGE CAT NEVER GIVE HER ANY PREZINTS LIFES A TRIP!!!!!

DAGNAMITT!!!!

THIS IZ A PIKCHER OF WHUT I GOT MY LADEY FUR MUTHER'S DAY CUZ THE LIZZERD HED AND THE LIZZERD BODY DISAPPEERD MISTEERIUSSLY I THINK MAO ATE IT OR MAYBEY GAVE TO THE LADEY SAYING HE CAWT IT BUT HE SED "DOOOD! THAT IS ROOD! AND BESIDES I ONLY KETCH SNAKES" MAO'S A GOOD RIMER WELL MAYBEY THE ANTS EATED THE LIZZERD BODY ALL UP SO I WINT OWT AND CAWT A NEW THING FUR MY LADEY I GOT HER A FURRY WITH BIG TEETH BUT IT LOOKT SO YUMMY WIN I KETCHED IT THAT I ATE SUM OF IT AND THEN I ATE ITS BRANES TO MAKE ME SMARTER SEE? YOO CAN TELL IT WERKED BUT WIN THE TRIPPER DOWN MAN CAME HOME HE MADE THE FURRY GO AWAY I THINK HE MAYBE ATE IT HISSELF I DON'T LIKE HIM MUCH IXSEPT IN THE MORNINGS WIN WE WAKE UP TOGETHER HE PETS ME AND I GIVE HIM A LIK IT'S OWR RICHYOOUL LIFE'S A TRIP!!!!!

I AM SOOOOO MAD!!!!!

I GOT (CAWT) MY LADEY THE VARY BEST MUTHER'S DAY PREZINT EVER!!!! I BROT HER A LIZZERD THAT I GOT DEDDED AND I LEFT THE BODY ON THE FRUNT PORCH MAT AND ITS HED ON THE BAK DEK MAT SO THAT NO MATTER WICH DOOR SHE WINT OUT SHE WOOD SEE MY PREZINT AND YOO WOODN'T BEELEEVE WHUT HAPPEND!!!!!!!!!!! A RACOON CAME UP AND ATE THE DEDDED LIZZERD HED ON THE BAK DEK MAT JUST LIKE THAT NOM NOM NOM..... NOW WTF IS THAT ALL ABOWT????? MY LADEY WUZ MAKIN LOTS OF SQWEELY NOIZES CUZ SHE COOD SEE THE COON GOING NOM NOM NOM ON HER PREZINT. IT WAS VARY DISTERBIN'. AND SHE STILL HAZN'T SEE DA LIZZERD BODY ON THE FRUNT PORCH YET I HOPE THE ANTS DON'T EET IT ALL GONE. LIFE'S A TRIP!!!!

I WANNA NOO HAREDOO

HAY DUZ ANNYBUDDY NO WARE I CAN GIT A GRATE HARECUT AND DIE JOB LIEK THIS??? IT'S THE MOST BYOOTIFULLEST THING IVE SEEN SINCE CAT FANCYS DECEMBER CENTERFOLD!!!! LIFE'S A TRIP.

PARKER CAN YOO REED THIS??????

LOOK WHUT I FOWND!!!!

I WUZ NOZIN AROWND IN MY LADEY'S HIDEY PLACE AND LOOKIE WHUT I FOWND!!!! THEY SMELT SO GOOD I JUST HAD TO RIP THE BAG OPEN AND EET THEM ALL UP THEY ARE CALLED DUK HARTS AND THEY ARE THE MOST DELISHUSEST THING I'VE EVER EETEN EVEN BETTER THAN FRESH MOLES!!!! AND NOW THARE ALL GONE AND I DON'T KNOW WARE TO GIT MORE I WISH I NEW HOW TO GO SHOPPING ON THE INNERWEBS LIFE'S A TRIP!!!!

I GOT WERMS!

THE FOOD LADY MADE SUM DEELISHUS FOODS AND WIN SHE TERND HER BAK I JUMPT ON THE TABLE AND TRIDE SUM OF THEM THE FERST THING I SAW WAS THIS PLATE OF WERMS, AND IT WAS DELISHUS!!!!! I COOD EET A TRUKLODE OF THEM GOOD THING THE TRIPPER DOWN MAN WUZN'T AROWND HAVE ANY OF YOO EVER EETEN WERMS???? LIFE'S A TRIP!

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY

WARE CAN I GET AN OWTFIT AND HARES LIKE THIS???

I JUST SAW THE MOST BYOOTIFUL CLOTHES IN THE WERLD WITH HAIR THAT MATCHES IT AND I WUNT TO GET THE SAME OWTFIT FOR ME EXSEPT MAYBE SHORTER PANTS DUZ ANYBUDDY KNOW WARE I CAN GET ONE???? JUST STARIN AT ALL THOZE COLORS MAKES MY EYES GO ALL GOOGLY WHY HAS THAT LITTLE WITE RAT BIN KRYING LIKE A BABY ALL NITE JUS WUNDERIN.